Saturday, December 18, 2010

Movie cliches that are absolute bullshit.

Apologies (for the the title) and fair warning for swearing in the following post:

1) Cabbies who honk the horn while waiting for people: Are you kidding me?  You're getting paid either way, bubba!  Are you seriously going to rush the guy/gal when your meter's running?  What's the fee for just showing up? $4? STFU and wait.

2) The elevator's always at your floor when you push the button:  I wish I had these people's luck.  Unless they're being chased, then the elevator's never right there. That kinda luck, I can do without.

3) People who hear a suspicious noise outside and go to investigate: No. Fucking. Way.  You can bet  that if I hear something outside, my ass is staying in the house with my Glock on my hip.

4) Adults are stupid; kids are smart: Sorry. Not buying that. I've yet to meet a child who's smarter than I am. Especially when it comes to the zombie apocalypse.

5) Babies born in the movies are usually the size of a 1-2 month-old: Have you ever seen a newborn? Even the FAT ones are 12lbs at the most. Just ask a woman how she'd feel about pushing a 20lb Thanksgiving turkey out of her hoo-ha. I dare ya.

6) Anytime someone smokes their first cigar or cigarette, they cough and gag: Pussies.

7) Everyone knows CPR, and the cadence for compression is ~30/min, even when the person performing it is a doctor or other medical professional: WTF (Who) do you know has a heart that only beats 30x a minute? Are they trying to revive a horse!?

8) PMS doesn't exist unless it's a plot device: Hahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! AAAHAHAHAHAH!!!

9) All computers have a nice GUI (Graphical User Interface; i.e.; Windows) regardless of their application: These writers have apparently never worked in the world of IT, or their "subject matter expert" is a total crock. (The exception that comes to mind is "The Matrix: Revolutions" when Trinity uses Nmap to find a vulnerable SSH server and hack in to disable the power grid backups. Yes...I'm a geek.)

10) In TV, people always sit up in the frame, fully-dressed, post-coitus: Thanks FCC.

11) You can hear explosions in the vacuum of space, unless there's a dramatic element that's needed, then you don't hear anything:  Everyone I've talked to that's been to space tells me that this is bullshit, and I'm just waiting for someone to call Buzz Aldrin a liar.

12) In any situation, there is always someone who can fly a helicopter or someone who figures it out in 30 seconds: This one is actually accurate. No, really.

13) Woman always have shaved legs: I wish.

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