Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Most Adorably-Named, Deadliest Animals

The Honey Badger-
A cousin of the wolverine, the honey badger earns its name from it's insatiable hunger for sweet sweet honey.  It will delve into a beehive in search of its sugar fix, only to be stung by the hive's residents in an orgy of pain, stickiness and deliciousness...AND it survives to snack again.

My favorite description of the honey badger comes from Jeremy Clarkson of BBC's Top Gear:
"The honey badger does not kill you to eat you; it tears off...your testicles."

The Black Mamba-

First of all, it's not even black.  That aside, it sounds like a really fun dance, not the fastest venomous snake in the world (10–12 mph) that can kill a human in twenty agonizing minutes from a single bite.

The Hippopotamus-

Everyone loves the hippos.  They're practically a Disney animal movie staple.  FACT:
hippopotamuses kill more humans per year than any other animal in the entire continent of Africa.  Think about THAT the next time you play Hungry Hungry Hippos.  (AND, if you want to be extremely morbid, draw little smiley faces on the marbles.)

The Duck-Billed Platypus-

I know. Really effin' adorable. Right!?  To top it off, their young are called "puggles." Why is the platypus on this list, you may ask.  Simple: it's poisonous.  That's right, boys and girls, the male platypi have a pair of spurs on their hind legs they they use for hunting and dueling.  The venom is actually powerful enough to land a human in the emergency room and leave them writhing in muscular-afflicted pain for months.

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